Leaving the Guilt Behind

28 Mar

flower 3All week long I’ve been chanting in my head: “Just four more days until vacation…just three more days…just two more…just one”—and poof—it’s finally here. I’m actually on vacation where I don’t have to do anything, go anywhere or teach anyone how to play the piano for nine glorious days.

Husband is off to L.A. to watch a soccer game. Ten year-old has been dropped off at the sleepover. Son is off somewhere in southern California with his friends. Daughters are off living their lives.

No one is asking me what’s for dinner or why there’s no milk in the fridge. I’m not having to bite my tongue to keep myself from screaming at that particular student who’s played the same wrong note for the third week in a row. At the moment my husband is not lying on the floor in front of the television watching Mexican soccer at full volume while begging me to please rub his feet.

The house is quiet—check. I’m barefoot—check. My unwashed hair is up in a messy pony tail—check. I’ve taken off my bra—double check. I’m wearing my most comfortable show-all yoga pants (which my husband tactfully calls unflattering—translation: your butt looks huge in those)—check. I’m on the couch with my feet up—check. The dog is curled up on the couch next to me—check. I have a hot cup of Starbucks coffee right in front of me—oh baby—CHECK!coffee cup

I am totally and utterly alone to do whatever my little heart desires and my mind is abuzz with all the things I should be doing with my free time. It’s the most beautiful spring day outside and I tell myself I should be going to the beach or out taking a hike even though I don’t really feel like doing either of those things the moment. I tell myself there is a huge basket of clean laundry that won’t magically fold itself; I tell myself the front lawn needs to be mowed; the flower garden needs to be weeded; there’s hair on the bathroom floor that needs to be vacuumed up; there are bills to pay; I need to go to the grocery store…ARRRRGH!

I can come up with a million things I should be doing with all this free time, but the truth is, I don’t want to do anything but sit right here on this couch and write. Writing makes me happy. Writing is my bliss—thoughts, words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, chapters—eventually a finished novel. This is what I love to do.

So, for today—for right now, I’m leaving the guilt behind.

And I’m writing.

12 Responses to “Leaving the Guilt Behind”

  1. Eleanor Winters March 28, 2015 at 6:26 pm #

    YOU GO, Daughter. You are at the movies now. If you can just do this (i.e. whatever you damn well please!) for at least another 7 days, accolades to you. DO IT! by that I mean: TAKE that time and relax. We will all, somehow, survive without all your ministrations.

  2. Becky Green Aaronson March 28, 2015 at 6:37 pm #

    Love it! Enjoy and revel in your writing bliss. I have to admit, I’m a wee bit jealous!

  3. Britton Swingler March 29, 2015 at 8:29 am #

    Yay! So happy for you. Enjoy…

  4. injaynesworld March 29, 2015 at 9:10 am #

    You know what they say: When Mama’s happy everyone’s happy.

    So banish the word “guilt” from your vocabulary and live your bliss. 🙂

  5. mjacobson2015 March 30, 2015 at 11:09 am #

    Write on!

  6. debatterman March 30, 2015 at 5:26 pm #

    Oh, the glory of being in/with the present moment as it unfolds! And then having enough presence to reflect on it, which naturally makes us thinks of all the other places we think we ‘should’ be.

  7. Suzanne April 9, 2015 at 5:48 am #

    Practicing the art of doing nothing … especially for a mother … hope you made progress!

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